illusions

for the past few weeks, I challenged myself as a cynic. at one point of my life, i was clearly an optimist but old wounds sometimes catches up to me and i become a skeptic. walking in old shoes, i let myself be unguarded. But not completely. i wonder if it still counts if i still have the precaution of reality catching up with illusions. but i have learned to ignored it and strangely it has given me my confidence back. and of course this week reality (in more ways than one) has caught up with me and suddenly i realize my confidence is being tested. funny. i just thought i was daydreaming.